The wife was obsessed with the iPhone. Her’s was stolen a while back and despite my criticism of the device, she still wanted one. We had a discussion about it before the purchase, and I obviously inquired as to why she wanted it.  Long story short, most of the reasons were related to “IT’S SHINY!” or “It’s Apple. They have to be good!” and my favorite “It’s the best device on the market” not to mention “There’s apps for everything!” even though all she really does is call and text.

She’s an American citizen. I’m Canadian. She didn’t have her ID with her, so she couldn’t sign a contract without a $500 deposit and I couldn’t put it in my name also without a $500 deposit. So she decided to purchase the device unsubsidized at the Apple store and talk to ATT directly to see what they had to say.
We head to the ATT store and they basically say the same thing. Even though you bought an unsubsidized device, you still have to pay $500 deposit and choose one of the 2 iPhone plans which included unlimited talk/text and 200MB or 2GB data. They were $105 and (I think) $125 respectively.

She wasn’t too happy about paying $105 a month, $500 now, $800 30 minutes ago.I was questioning the salesperson on why the iPhone plans were $30 more than prepaid plans that had identical things. For $75 a month, I can get unlimited talk/text and 200MB and NOT pay $500. The salesperson had no good response.
I stated that I could just trim the prepaid SIM down and shove it into the iPhone and we could have service right now. The salesperson said it wasn’t possible. She believed the salesperson. So we left with a brand new iPhone, an $800 bill and no activation.

I keep trying to telling her that a prepaid SIM will work fine. So she goes to the Apple store to see what they say, since they’re Geniuses (her words, not mine). She asks the Idiots I mean Geniuses there if a prepaid SIM is possible. The Genius said that the iPhone uses a new revolutionary microSIM and the full size SIM was incompatible. I tell him that the contacts on the microSIM are identical to a full size SIM and the only difference is that the plastic surroudning the chip itself is smaller. He disagreed. The wife believed him.

A few days go by and I ask her what she wants to do with an unactivated device and where she’s gonna come up with $500. She told me to shut up. I laugh and say that I’m gonna go pick up a prepaid SIM and activate it that. She tells me that it won’t work because the “Geniuses” at the Apple Store said it wouldn’t work. I told them the Geniuses are usually idiots. She didn’t believe me. So I went to the ATT store without telling her and picked up a prepaid full size SIM. After a bit of trimming (which is painful btw, buy a SIM cutter) I had me a microSIM. She had been admiring the SHINY factor of the iPhone while I was gone, so it was laying out. She mentioned that she was out of cigarettes, so I told her to go get some. I then put my plan into action. I yoinked the phone, shoved in the SIM and set it up.
When she gets back, I pretend I have to make a phone call. I dial her new number and the iPhone rings. Since her old iPhone was stolen recently, she absentmindedly answered it.
The plesantries of standard phone conversations go by and she still hasn’t realized that she’s talking on her iPhone. I ask her if she’s seen her iPhone lately. She panics and realizes that it’s no longer on the counter. Then the moment of epiphany hits. She runs over and hugs me. I stand here with a sense of self satisfaction since I knew both ATT and Apple were both idiots.

So since I’m the resident geek, I was tasked with setting it up.
Since cases and bumpers were $30 per locally (she refused to shop outside the Apple store) she didn’t get one. Even she thought that $30 for a piece of plastic was stupid. During setup, I was “holding it wrong” and experienced the drop in signal. I started laughing. She asked what I was laughing at. I stated that I was holding it wrong. She had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained. She thought it was retarded and wasn’t impressed that an $800 device had a flaw like that. So she bought a bumper. 5 of them. And a few snap on cases. I was like WTF! You spent $300 on cases?
For some reason she didn’t see the issue behind $300 worth of plastic crap. Damn Apple tax.

A few weeks later, she was tired of the default ringtones. She wanted some of her own MP3s as ringtones. I figured “it’s a smrtphone. I should be able to drop some MP3s onto storage and they should work fine.” so I told her that I’d load up some MP3s and they should be ready in 10 minutes.
Apparently “there’s an for everything” is true since you need an app to do menial tasks that should be native to a modern device. She’s not impressed that she can’t do MP3 ringtones by herself.

A few more weeks go by and we’re out and about doing our thing and tethering my notebook to my G1. It breaks. I tell her that I can just set up tethering on hers since I jailbroke her device. Apparently even with Cydia, it costs $19.99 in order to tether. I laugh. She asks why that’s funny. I tell her that it’s free for Android. She isn’t impressed.

So one day, I hear out of nowhere “Damn iPhone!”, so I ask her what’s wrong. Apparently the phone kept switching between bluetooth and speakerphone. I point out the screen is on. She says “Yeah that happens sometimes.” So I have a look online. Apparently the proximity sensor for the screen is defective on a large number of devices. Apparently her’s is affected too. She’s really not impressed.

Text messaging. I don’t understand it. I send maybe 100 messages year. The wife however… LOVES it.
One day when I was checking my text history on my Galaxy Tab, she notices that my messages don’t look anything like hers as there’s very little wasted space on my messaging app. She inquires to as why mine aren’t in “speech bubbles” like they are on the iPhone. I tell her that speech bubbles are stupid and they sacrifice a significant amount of screen real estate to “look cool”.
She has a look at her texts and realizes the same thing. There’s probably an app to change that, but she doesn’t use the market at all. She’s not impressed, especially since she tends to write novels for text messages.

Bernz and I were discussing our mutual ownership of Galaxy Tabs. He introduced me to “Tango” which is a cross platform video chat app. I tell the wife about this, and she says “pfft. Facetime does that.” I tell her that it’s not possible on 3G and restricted to iDevices. She’s not impressed.

Just recently, a friend of hers sent her a message with an emoticon. She inquires as to why that her friend’s iPhone has emoticons and her’s doesn’t. So I hit the internet to see why they’re disabled. Apparently you need an app for that. I laugh and tell her that mine has them built in. She’s not impressed.

Just today, it was announced that the iPhone tracks location history. I yell out in surprise. The wife asks what’s up. I tell her that the iPhone records location history and is easily accessible without a court order. She throws her iPhone and basically tells me to get rid of it. I laugh. She’s REALLY not impressed.

She now hates the device.
6 months ago, she would tell everyone how awesome the iPhone was.
Today, she tells everyone how terrible it is.

The ONLY thing she IS impressed about is the fact that she currently has the cheapest iPhone plan in Washington at $67.50USD for unlimited talk/text/200MB.

And that Ladies and Germs is how your average iPhone fangirl went from “OH SHINY!” to “WTF IS THAT SHIT?!?!??!”

  7 Responses to “Adventures with an iPhone 4 fangirl”

  1. This was rather amusing. Thankfully I managed to talk my girlfriend to go Android instead of crapPhone when she did a handset upgrade about a month ago, so I avoided this type of thing. :p

  2. So I’ve read your story, very interesting and entertaining, couldn’t stop reading it!

    Keep writing these stories and I’ll read them all!

    Thanks DH

  3. “So she bought a bumper. 5 of them. And a few snap on cases. I was like WTF! You spent $300 on cases?”

    This literally made me feel sick. That’s almost half the cost of a factory unlocked iPhone 4 @ $659

  4. Good story. I’m glad my American wife isn’t the only crazy one out there. I made mine get a Desire Z for her new phone.

  5. I found your story to be amusing at pointing out the few downsides to owning an iphone. I have recently purchased a Galaxy Fascinate and a Galaxy S, before settling in to my ihpone4.

    I didnt like at all the touchwhiz features of the fascinate, and the galxys s, while having some decent features seemed very gimmiky to me.

    Andorid has a good future ahead, but I couldnt handle the lag and constant app crashing that I experienced on both. And the huge ads suck. There is something to be said for apples strict guidlines for apps.

    Yes, the ihpone may be limited in some of the features that the android models have, but in the end I am more than happy with my phone thats work properly more often than not. I am also very happy with the picture quality and decen hd video recording that I feel is night and day above the other options I tried.

    Btw, while I do think that many cases is a little insane, who would by such a nice phone and not think of putting it in a case anyway?

    There is a place in the market for both.

  6. Great story. Very funny. Keep up the good work.

  7. Awesome story! Definitely had me loling and nodding to this.

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